It’s the terror of knowing what this world is about…

When did it become open season on people who are different than you? Or weaker than you? Or have a smaller voice than you?
You know what… I can’t write this. Earlier I copied the first quote and news story into my post editor (at the end of my rant here) and got the idea to google stories of other kids with autism who were beaten and abused. It all came up on the screen a little too quick and easy and plentiful. The first story is about Aaron Hill, the kid here in FL who was beat. OK, so his sister thinks he wasn’t targeted because of his autism… but… bull shit, you know? There is something inherent in being different that makes the fucking psychopaths of the world zero in on you. Is it fear? I DON’T. FUCKING. GET. IT. –SOMEONE EXPLAIN IT TO ME.

This is the line I keep hearing in my head over and over… “Hill walked several blocks, injured, until he ultimately collapsed in the road.” Then there is the kid from MD with autism from last year who didn’t realize that what his “friends” were doing was abuse. He couldn’t understand why they were in trouble… and I still can’t get David Oliver Cruz out of my head… a guy executed back in 2000 in Texas. A guy who was executed because the prosecution wanted to argue over a couple IQ points. I won’t get into it, but I have reason to believe that not only did TX execute an inmate with mental retardation… but an innocent one. Fourteen years gone by and I still think of him. He had a clean record. His “friend” who turned state’s evidence did NOT. There was no physical evidence.

I wanted to write something meaningful, but I swear to you I am sitting here middle fingers up, flipping off my computer screen –because what can I say? When did it become open season? When HASN’T it been open season on people who are seen as different… about a month ago a HUMAN BEING who happened to be transgender was set on fire and burned to death here in Fort Myers. Look at Ferguson, Mo. What about the BLACK man in Ohio who was shot to death in Walmart for carrying a BB gun –one that is SOLD in the MOTHER FUCKING store. Yet, I can recall this crazy hillbilly motherfucker who was a frequent patient at a hospital where I worked who’d always come in for x-ray exams strapped. Nobody thought to call the cops to shoot that WHITE jagoff. I could go to Walmart right now and probably shoot a security guard with a BB gun and make it out alive.

My favorite quote… and who’s with me? “Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.” H.L. Mencken

The evil people are winning in my head tonight.

Someone explain it to me, because I don’t get it. I guess I am just that simple. I’ve never feared people who are different than me, no… I’ve been drawn to them. I crave it. I don’t understand how the color of someone’s skin, or who they are banging, or what their IQ is, or how the public perceives them, is any measure of whether or not they have a beating coming to them. Or worse.

In high school it never occurred to me to not let my friends know that there was a chick I was totally digging. That honesty got 16 year old me slammed into a locker by a linebacker… literally… a linebacker from the football team. Was I such a threat to this dickwad that he had to physically batter me? It never even occurred to me back then to feel fear or be threatened… I’ve always been the girl who replies to such things with a loud, “Go fuck your mother”. I’ll throw down. I don’t give a fuck. But I fear for my kids.

I want to tell my children to be themselves… but how do I tell them that by just being themselves someone might want to set them on fire or beat the ever living shit out of them? “Be YOU… but… you know… tone it down around certain people…” What kind of message is that?

Tonight I drink, my friends… Keto diet be damned. I’m already at numb-face drunk. The evil people won. So yeah… I didn’t really “write” this… I drunk rambled.
(Which of course means, no proof reading this… sorry in advance.)

Someone… anyone… restore my faith in humanity. Are we really raising a generation of more tolerant, openhearted  kids? Because the ‘MAN’ who beat Aaron Hill was 18. The bigots pass on their toxic beliefs. This abuse of autistic kids is fucking rampant. The abuse of anyone who doesn’t fit the mold is rampant. They aren’t safe at home, they aren’t safe on the bus, they aren’t safe in school, and they aren’t safe in hospitals or care homes or institutions…. I got nothing. I don’t know how to make people care for others vs. stomping their heads with their boots on. “Be Nice.” Isn’t working.

And where the fuck is the ND crowd in all this –talking about the gift of autism. Those fuckers.

I guess I can just end with this… if you lay a finger on my kids I will rip you to shreds with my own bare fucking hands. If you lay a finger on one of my friends… or their kids… shreds… bare hands… It’s a warning and a promise. You won’t need a lawyer. You’ll need a mortician.

Here is a sampling of stories, recent and not-so recent. Find many many more on Google:

“Hill walked several blocks, injured, until he ultimately collapsed in the road.”

“The videos allegedly show them holding a knife to the victim’s throat, forcing him to perform various sexual acts, kicking him in the groin and dragging him around by his hair.”

“Parker ordered Anatoly, Jr., to clean up the spill, but the boy apparently did not understand what he meant — further enraging the supervisor. He grabbed the boy and punched him in the face, according to court papers.”

“The victim’s mother says her son was forced down on all fours and kicked until he bled from his mouth. According to witnesses, a group of at least five young men wearing white T-shirts singled out a teen known to have a learning disability.  There were a lot of witnesses, and we’re told some adults at the center even saw the boy walking around in his underwear afterward, but somehow, it never got reported to police.”

“Detectives said the suspect threatened to hurt the victim by shooting him and “blowing his head off,” then taking the man’s money and cell phone.”

““Yo, beat the s——— out of him, this is going on YouTube!” one student shouts, before an unidentified boy mercilessly attacks Kula, punching him in the head.”

“”This is not the first time his wrist has been broken, this is just the first time they caught it on tape,” said Losero’s mother. “

“A teacher’s video of a special education student being beaten in class has led to the arrest of a teacher’s aide.”

“Surveillance video on board a Pasco County school bus showed an aide smacking an autistic student in the face, according to district officials.  Lambert, who’s 6 foot 1 and 250 pounds, makes his way down the aisle, sits in the seat across from the child, and allegedly smacks him in the face.  Lambert is also heard on the video saying ‘Do you like it?'”

“the driver or her assistant can be seen hitting the child with a fly swatter, while at other times choking, kicking and beating him with their bare hands.”

“And love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night.
And love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves”


One thought on “It’s the terror of knowing what this world is about…”

  1. People will always fear what they don’t understand. And they don’t understand autism. They don’t understand quiet kids or mental illness or disabilities. I think the biggest problem in the world is fear. It’s fear that drives people to do horrendous things.
    But there is also hope, and understanding, and love. And it’s those things that help us overcome the fear and make the world a little better place. The world isn’t a great place, but there are great things and great people in the world and that’s what makes the world worthwhile.


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