The Needle and the Damage Done.

I think every autism parent whose child is a non-responder wonders at some point… why? Maybe I just haven’t found the right treatment, yet. Maybe I didn’t try the right thing long enough… Maybe the damage was just too much, too bad, non-reversible. Maybe I missed that window.

Thanks to hindsight and medical records it took me a while to realize that my child was not born with some kind of delay. Yes, I was one of those moms who thought my son was “born with it” to *some* degree –even though I witnessed a regression immediately following his MMR/DTaP at 15 months. “But you know,” I would say, “from the start there were issues. He had some words… but only about 6. And there never was shared attention, not really… he never pointed to a thing. And all those medical problems! The allergies, the reflux, the eczema… the 106 fever… he was a sickly baby.”

I had one of those ah-ha moments about 6 years ago… when you realize that your child was perfect when he was born. Perfect. For a whole day. Then he got his birth dose of Hep B, and like dominoes, it all went down. Projectile vomiting. Screaming for two solid days. The rashes… He had an auto-immune reaction to that Hep B. And he also had brain swelling. –Encephalitis. A known and recognized and compensatable vaccine injury. I compared his first 15 months to a boxing match. With every round of vaccines he’d get knocked down on his ass… but then he’d get back up. Recovering a little from the last round, but not fully. Each round… a little worse, until the 15 month K.O. punch.

A known and compensatable injury. But I missed it at the time. So did his doctors. Those Gods that you people defer to –when you tell me my opinion doesn’t count. Because I don’t have MD after my name. Because somehow that means I can’t possibly read and comprehend medical literature and concepts for myself. They aren’t gods.

Recently I discussed my sons case with a couple doctors, and upon reviewing his charts and history, they agreed. He suffered a compensatable vaccine injury –and these were not “autism” doctors. These are general practitioners with no dogs in the fight.
So why don’t I file? I can’t. It’s too late. More on NVICP later… As what I’ve typed so far isn’t new info from me, you can find it in other blogs… but it’s an intro to what I wanted to talk about today… which is, What exactly happened to  my son at his 15 month “well baby” appointment.

I shared a photo the other day that you have all seen several times from me. And it shook the troll tree.  They took to my page with personal insults and a death threat, even! How dare I spread illness! How dare I kill babies by telling my son’s story! This one:
beforeaftermmr

One mom implied that I took a couple sleepy “nose picking” photos of my son to fake my point.  Thing is…  I have a shit ton of photos of my child. Before and after. I have video… this was just a sampling. They are all the same. For months after that vaccine my son took up that pitiful position. Lost. Gone. Self-soothing. He doesn’t suck his thumb. He is using it to apply pressure to the roof of his mouth –it’s a great pressure point for comfort. He did this for such a long time that his hand pushed his bottom teeth out of alignment. By the time he’d actually take a break from this position, I chalked up the droopy lip to misaligned teeth.

I even had a professional working with my child point it out.
I even had a doctor point it out.
Both times *I* dismissed it. “Oh… he pushed his teeth out of alignment.”
Yes, folks, the “Know It All” in my name is a joke. For those of you who miss the sarcasm. I had medical professionals willing to tell me it looked like my son had a stroke, and *I* blew it off. A compensatable vaccine injury.

Yesterday, a friend shared that photo with the words, that to her, it looked like a stroke.

Stroke.
I hadn’t even entertained that word before yesterday.
But once I “heard” it…

There is another photo… most of you have seen it as well. I took it a couple months ago and it disturbed me once I saw it. But I got it all backwards. To me, it didn’t look like my child… I considered the angle, maybe some lens distortion… I thought perhaps he had a sinus infection on the left side of his face that was making him puffy, making his face so asymmetrical… I posted it on Facebook to my friends asking for opinions… and they didn’t notice the “puffy” left side –they all noticed the droopy right side. I was saying, “No, No… he’s been like that for years… that lip… misaligned teeth…” But then I looked at his eyes… I’d been looking at that face, with the obvious nerve damage, for 16 years and missed it.Gavin.

The left side isn’t swollen. The left side is what the right side of his face SHOULD look like.
–Still, my brain didn’t really process it. Sure. One more thing…
Yes, he regressed fully into moderate-severe autism after his MMR. But I never knew what to think about that because he had no signs of gut damage. (He was never scoped, maybe I am wrong on that, but we didn’t have any of the bowel symptoms that other families see.)

But what about that DTaP? It was his first DTaP –all the others had been DTP. The more dangerous, whole cell, version of the vaccine that was basically the reason behind the NVICP. In 1996 it was supposed to be off the shelves. Yet, my son got three. Dec 96. Feb 97. April 97.
Even the “less dangerous” (NOT SAFE) DTaP can kill and maim.  And he got it in combination with the MMR.

My son was born in 1996. He got far less vaccines than kids get today –but the ones he got? ALL of them are off the shelf today –think about that. He got OPV. Not given today. He got DTP. Not given today. All his other vaccines were fully loaded with 12.5 or 25 mcg of mercury. NOT given today (Unless you get the IM flu shot, there is still the full amount of mercury in the flu shot. In the adult version, which is given to kids age 7 and older, 25 mcg. In the “kids” version 12.5 mcg of mercury, but babies are given two their first year –so they get 25 mcg of mercury. A known neurotoxin, in case you’ve been living under a rock.)

And don’t get me started on aluminum.
Today you think kids are getting “safer” vaccines –but they are getting almost twice as many as my son got. STILL with aluminum. STILL with mercury. Nothing’s gotten better.

Some kids are genetically susceptible to damage. Yes. But we all have a tipping point –as evidenced by the, still, increasing number of cases year after year. My son has several methylation cycle mutations in his DNA… But where did those mutations come from? Our environment is toxic. Chemical exposure is altering DNA, and we are passing those mutations to our kids… and the needle… it’s too much. You can read my post on Agent Orange/Dioxins, Vietnam Grandpas and MTHFR moms and autistic kids if you want my thoughts on that.

I learned my lesson the hard way with my family. My autistic son and I are fully vaccinated. He paid greatly for that. I pay too. Not as great for my own vaccine injury, but this whole house suffers. And your tax dollars suffer, I promise you that. The future of the human race is suffering.

Yet, today we are in the midst of a measles “epidemic” (their words, not mine… 70 cases make an epidemic of a once common childhood illness! But 1 in 68 kids with autism, Meh. Nothing to see there! –though those are the numbers for kids born 13 years ago, we know it’s closer to 1 in 20 for kids being born now. By 2025, an MIT scientist has estimated 1 in 2.) And strangers are telling me that I should vaccinate my youngest child. The one who is the winner in all of this. The one who was spared the needle and the damage done. I should vaccinate him anyway, they say –to save THEIR child. If it kills my son, if it causes a brain injury… “Oh, well, at least he won’t get measles.” Except –that is not even true because we know the vaccine is not effective.  My youngest has worse MTHFR mutations than my autistic child! Hear this well… over my DEAD BODY will my youngest be sacrificed for your ignorance. I had a doctor willing to write me a medical exemption for vaccines for him, based on family medical history. Don’t even try to tell me that you know better than a medical doctor familiar with my children and our DNA. And THAT doctor is not an “anti-vaccine autism” doctor. He runs a family practice. He vaccinates his patients.

There ARE susceptible groups to vaccine damage.
My children are among them.
Why do we not want to figure out who they are?
Why do we not want to back the vaccine schedule up to the 1983 one –the one that gave far less vaccines and in a time when there were no mass deaths from vaccine “preventable” illness? And in a time when autism rates were 1 in 10,000.
We’ve gone too far.
Pharma makes BILLIONS upon BILLIONS.
They cannot be sued for the needle and the damage done.
So what is stopping them from convincing you that you need a vaccine for every little sniffle that comes your way? There are billions of dollars to be made! “Health and Wellness” be damned!

Our only compensation can come from the NVICP –and there is only a three year window to file. From when the injury occurred… NOT from when it was discovered. My new found hunch, that my son suffered a stroke 16 years ago? Sorry. SOL on the SOL.

I sing the song because I love the man…. I know that some of you don’t understand.

 

 

 

 

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$506 a day. #WTFloriduh

I was thinking about this last night as I fell asleep. Wrote a whole blog in my head but of course I don’t remember it. I remember the end… $506 a day.

The state of Florida will pay nursing homes more than $506 a day to care for a sick child. Read that here in this story of a such a child… who died in the “care” of such a place.

$506 a day.

eyes

My son had a good day yesterday. He seemed happy. He was running around, laughing… listening to rock music, which is generally a no-no as such songs can set him off into a rage at times. He even dropped a crystal clear WH question when he saw me pouring maple syrup on meatballs (Yes… I have a problem). “Why are you putting maple syrup on the meatballs?” he asked… while pausing, grasping onto the furniture to brace himself from his blown mind. The good days are rare.

I’m still in the process of trying to find him some adequate help here in Florida.  He’s medically a wreck –but you know… with issues that doctors deny are real, or issues that get ignored because, “Well, he’s autistic!”  The doctors who know how to begin to help him are out of our price range.

People talk about how much autism “costs” a family,  they don’t talk about the “cost” to the child when there is no money. –it doesn’t cost me a thing, I don’t have a thing to spend.  Quality of life is the cost.

despairdemotivator

And Florida pays nursing homes over $506 a DAY.

Can you imagine how much $506 extra a MONTH could help me?
A WEEK? OMG! A week!
Why don’t they give families HALF that for in home care?

They don’t give families a DIME. Even Pennsylvania chipped in $22.10 a month. That number always made me laugh, but ask me how much I appreciated that half tank of gas. Florida doesn’t chip in SSP at all. Gavin gets $721 a month from SSI. Oh wait!! Cost of living raise next month!! $733. A month.

We live on that and a little bit of child support.

mission_impossible

Ask me how much I wish there was someone who could adequately take care of my child during the day so that I could work. I would shovel dog shit right now if it meant a paycheck and a BREAK from my prison house.

I bet for $106 a day I could hire someone to care for him.
That would create a job #WTFloriduh!
And I could go back to work. Pay some taxes instead of qualifying for food stamps and medicaid. It would save the state $146,000 a year on the bill they are about to be footing because I don’t know how much longer I can care for my son at home, alone. Who are these brainless bureaucrats?

brainless

And the flood of kids like my son is coming.
The more I talk out about our struggles, the more emails I get from parents living the same nightmare. My situation isn’t rare.

The truth is, a typical nursing home couldn’t handle my son… not unless they drug him into a coma. And he’s a kid who can’t be drugged. When he was two they gave him a cocktail to knock him out for an MRI, he staggered around like an angry drunk –a trend that continues thru adulthood, only… he’s a giant now, not a toddler.
Those parents emailing me? Their kids are the same. Nothing works for them.  The brain and body damage is too much.

satire-train-wreck

This is a societal problem.
You there… Mr. I-Don’t-Have-An-Autistic-Child. Who do you think is paying the bill?  Why are the autism parents the only ones who can envision the societal collapse coming our way?

silverlining

Is that when our government will finally turn on the pharmaceutical industry? When the cost of caring for our vaccine injured kids exceeds the bribes, kickbacks, and campaign contributions that they currently enjoy?

 

MMR, all the harmy goodness, none of the perks.

I don’t watch the news much.
I do prefer my dramas scripted, but not the ones that pretend to be true. So I missed out on all this Mumps nonsense. I caught a whiff of it in my Facebook newsfeed.

Why the NHL lost control of its mumps outbreak.
The highlights:

“As far as I know, everybody received the immunization when they were young.”

“Throwing a wrench into all of this is that some players with the disease recently did receive a booster. ”

“That’s because the optimal level of antibody to protect from the virus is unknown.”

And this nugget:

“The takeaway here is that the mumps vaccine works, we just don’t know how long it works.”

Let me share something here that I posted on FB today:

I had an MMR vaccine as a kid, #1. I had an MMR vaccine when I went to basic training in 93, #2. In 95 they did my titers. Not immune. I had another MMR in 95, #3. (Unfortunately, 2 months before getting pregnant with my future autistic child. There was a small case study that showed it’s more common for women who had the MMR shortly before getting pregnant, or right after while breast feeding, to have kids who regressed into autism when THE kids had their MMR). I had titers done again for a job in 99. Not immune. I told them to go to hell with their vaccine.

How long it works? Well for me, I can tell you it didn’t even hold for two years.

I saw some arguments on Facebook from friends of friends, blaming the hypothetical unvaccinated child for traveling abroad and bringing measles or mumps home, and spreading them to a classmate with cancer who then dies.

Well, shit. That would be awful. But they are operating under the false notion that vaccines are effective.

spoiler

They’re not. We’re swimming in the proof.

Your fully vaccinated child is no more protected than my unvaccinated child.

And let’s not forget that two Merck scientists turned whistle blowers and are taking Merck to court to show that Merck flat out LIED about the effectiveness of the Mumps vaccine. Merck is being sued for fraud. If found guilty, I’m sure the fine they receive will come back to them in insane profits anyway –I bet they are orgasmic over this outbreak of Mumps and all the talk that maybe we need yearly boosters along with our flu shots.

Are you that dumb?

Why can’t most people understand that a vaccine comes with a list of ‘cons’ and risks just like any pill you’d put in your mouth? Why are most people, who are so critical of the government in every other aspect of life, so willing to give them a pass on the vaccine issue?
Check yourself.

Through my research, I would say that a vaccine that offers LIFE LONG immunity for any disease isn’t worth the risk to me and mine. And you want me to take that risk every year?

Why do you think vaccines are safe when an extremely-hard-to-win-at vaccine court has paid out 3 BILLION in damages since its creation 26 years ago?

I still can’t understand those people who plant their flag in “perfectly safe” land when the manufacturers themselves know they aren’t safe, and sought protection from liability. When officials have called them “unavoidably unsafe.” –under the idea that we need herd immunity –yet… We don’t have herd immunity. It’s a myth.

And have you forgotten about the #CDCWhistleBlower? You know… that top CDC scientist, William Thompson, who told everyone where to look for the omitted data in fraudulent CDC studies that would have showed an association between MMR and autism? The story you refuse to educate yourselves about because you haven’t seen it discussed in the mainstream media, yet?

Vaccines are not effective.
Vaccines can kill you.
Vaccines can maim you.

Educate yourselves.

Hey RJ Reynolds, you AND your Vuse e-cig suck.

Update at the bottom.

I got coupons for a free Vuse e-cig and some cartridges –and being poor, and a vape’r and a lover of free shit thru couponing… I went and grabbed some today. Good timing because I was out of juice for my mod e-cig.
But then I came home and Googled the Vuse and found something very interesting… this article that tells us RJ Reynolds, the maker of Vuse, is lobbying to ban vaping. And I am sure you are not so dumb as to not figure out why. $$$$ –oh but not all vaping, their e-cigs will be just fine.

Now, in the past I had tried what I call “stick” e-cigs or what others call cigalikes, and found them hideously awful.  My complaint… they are “dry”. It’s like sucking air. If this is the only thing you’ve tried before and decided vaping isn’t for you –you need to try again with the mods and juices. When I was only using the Blu “stick” e-cig I smoked regular cigs right along with it. It wasn’t until I found tanks and adjustable batteries that I was able to give up the cancer sticks.

The difference was the flavor and vapor. By the way, to get to the point and the title of this blog… the Vuse is awful. It’s actually worse than Blu. It’s dry as hell. And the flavor of the ‘regular’ is… um… Nothing? It’s just really gross. I’ll be heading to my favorite Naples Vapor tomorrow for my Tahitian Peach!
The mods give you much more flavor and vapor and it most resembles smoking a cigarette.  Those ‘sticks’ just don’t even come close.
Too, vaping with juices and refillable tanks can by done for an avg of $20 a month if you were a pack a day smoker. That is what I pay. These “stick” e-cigs like Vuse are likely to run you $120 or more a month.

Thanks to mods and tanks and juices I quit smoking two years ago.
No, there are no long term studies on the effects of vaping on humans. But here is what I can tell you after 2 years… I have my senses of taste and smell back. I rarely get sick and I don’t cough up a lung every day. I *AM* healthier than I was. Might we find out later that they cause cancer? –Sure. Maybe.
But the FEW chemicals that are in the ecigs, pale in comparison to the over 4,000 in a cigarette. What I am choosing to do may not be safe –but it’s safer, much much much safer.

Also, the studies I saw in the past on vapor that tried to tell us all that vaping is BAD, found 1-2 chemicals in the FIRST HAND vapor. I, coming from vaccine unicorn land, always look to see who authored and paid for the study. Tobacco paid for the studies. Follow the money.

RJ Reynolds, quit fucking around. Stop pretending you care about the health of your customers.  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? YOU SELL CANCER. This is all about profit.

Sure, maybe someone can adulterate the juice –but any one can poison anything now, can’t they?  In my 4 years of vaping, with the past 2 being heavy usage I’ve never been sickened by the juice I buy.
(lol well… maybe today that will change as I sit here puffing on a foul tasting Vuse cartridge.)

Public comment to the FDA is closed now, but keep track of the ongoing battle at Free To Vape.

By the way… in a pinch… I have tried the FIN brand and they are NOT BAD. They are NOT GREAT. They are not as good as the mods, but they are the best of the sticks that I have tried.

One more final thought, a quote from a really dark, twisted, perverted, funny girl I know: “Sucking on one of these cigalikes is about as satisfying as I would imagine giving head to a vibrator is.”
–Yeah, OK… it was me.

[Update: Not even 24 hours later the cartridge is empty. It’s their “special” technology. So you can’t even puff on it if you want to, to get the last bit of goodness (um… crapness?) out of it. It shuts off whether you want it too or not. So yeah… this would easily run you $120 or more a month. Total fucking garbage.]

You ignorant, servile scum!

What were you thinking? Dragging our asses half way around the world, interrupting our lives… For what?  You ignorant, servile scum! What the fuck are we doing here?

This was an old blog. Full of ranting and screaming.
And somewhere in the middle of it is a bit of good writing –or… at least the pieces of what could be good writing. But… “That’s enough, Webster. Give it a rest.”

I am deleting a LOT. You are welcome. Just saving some snippets… so if it doesn’t flow easy, just remember that I deleted a lot of ALL CAP CURSING:

On a recent re-watch of Band of Brothers, when Webster spoke, it hit me a different way.  My mind went to autism immediately as I pondered, “What the fuck are were doing here?” I DO feel like my ass was dragged half way around the world –a life interrupted –and for what? Ego and Profit. What. The FUCK. Are we DOING here?

When I had a child in 1996 it never even occurred to me that I should question the doctors that were caring for me and my newborn.  They were my coworkers.  I was just sure they had my best interests in mind and that they had the best training and experience that they could possibly have.

But, this is 2011. People like me are shoving the vaccine debate in your face on a daily basis. We are screaming… SCREAMING that autism is a MEDICAL disorder. We are posting study after study that support the link between vaccines and autism. We are talking –you are ignoring.

Vaccines are SUPPOSED to be a matter of RISK vs. BENEFIT.  LIKE ALL MEDICINES they carry a risk of severe injury up to and including DEATH.  THEREFORE the THING you are fighting ought to have a higher risk of such an outcome.
Chicken Pox, Measles, Mumps… are not deadly.  They are pains in the ass… but not deadly.
There is a difference between DEADLY disease and child hood illnesses.

Group Think –it’s nothing to be PROUD OF.

Somewhere along the way, while the humans were choosing to remain passive, uninformed morons… the vaccine manufactures who makes BILLIONS upon BILLIONS from vaccines took advantage OF our ignorance and pushed through one of the MOST successful advertising, PR campaigns in MOTHER FUCKING HISTORY –next to Hitler’s that is…

Have YOU PEOPLE noticed something?? Did you notice that ONE generation ago, we all got about 8 shots and NO ONE in this country died from MASSIVE disease epidemics?  HAVE YOU bothered to notice that kids now get 36 shots before they are 18 months old?  51 by age 5?? Have you noticed that chronic illness now DEFINES us??

How much is too much people? When does the fucking light bulb go off over your heads?? WHAT does it TAKE for you to look up from the herd and say, “What the fuck?? This is OUT OF CONTROL!”

I rather be shot by Jim Jones than forced to drink his Kool-aide. That’s just how I roll.

What the fuck are we doing here?

THIS IS 2011. NOW, TODAY! Your inaction –your refusal to educate yourselves –your refusal to break free from the group-thinking herd is KILLING children.

In the Army we were taught that it is OK to refuse unlawful orders. See, even the US Army says it’s ok to contemplate whether or not your orders are moral and legal. Is THAT basic HUMAN instinct bred out of the vast majority?

It is TIME to stop taking someone’s word for it! It is TIME to STOP thinking that vaccines are mandatory and that they are safe and effective –just because someone told you so.  It’s time to stop listening to ASSHATS like Paul Offit and the Mainstream Media without doing the research and reading and thinking for YOURSELF.

When we finally admit what causes autism… we CAN stop it.
When we finally admit what autism IS…. We can treat it and for some, even recover their kids.

Hey You! Hey You! That’s right… you STUPID American Idiots…. That’s right… Say HELLO to the Autism Warrior Mothers and Fathers!  You stupid Pharma Whores! Look at you!!! You have fraudulent studies!! What were you thinking? Dragging our asses half way around the world, interrupting our lives… For what?  You ignorant, servile scum! What the fuck are we doing here?

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