The past week has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster –if there is anything the past two decades have taught me, it’s ‘stay jaded’. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had a smoking gun in our hands and yet, remained ignored and silenced. So many, “They can’t ignore this now!” moments, followed by *crickets*.
You’d think by now the news of Robert Kennedy Jr being picked to head a vaccine safety commission would cause me to be all, “Meh. Sure. Whatever.” But, I’m more like, “Fuck Yeah! SUCK IT. You’re allllll going DOWN!” –Apparently there is a gene for this. According to my raw DNA run through Promethease, I have the “I get knocked down, but I get up again.” gene *shrugs*.
But I also have the Warrior Gene and COMT so… flip this for me and you got it.
So the optimism is there… a shift in energy. I either feel it or I’m willing it. This is our year. Here’s to hoping I don’t get knocked down again.
And while I should feel mostly happy and warm and fuzzy at the thought of the public being forced to accept the truth, there is a huge part of me that is so damn angry. Angry at everyone who’s dismissed us the past two decades. Serious hate and disgust. It should never take two decades to finally listen when thousands and thousands and thousands of parents are telling the same story.
Two decades of dead and severely damaged children. I’m angry. Crimes were committed.
When Gavin was at Children’s in Pgh to get his ‘official dx’ sometime back in 1998, I was telling the team all about his fevers, constant ear infection, antibiotics, reflux… you know, the same story ALL of us had back in the 90’s when the main cause of autism was mercury, with a dash of Hep B encephalitis, and a side of MMR. They sat me down and did the “Now, now… we don’t know what causes autism but it was nothing you did.”
Fuck what now? Um, yeah. No shit. What part of my detailed medical history givin’ gave you the impression that I need validation? EVERY PARENT HAS THE SAME STORY. LISTEN TO US. I’m telling YOU because it’s YOUR JOB to figure it out. I learned my first lesson that day…
I have no idea what my reaction will be when the time comes… in my head it’s a 24 hour “I fucking told you so!” marathon on Facebook Live and some coke snorting off a hookers ass, because lord knows I deserve it 😉 But I know me, and I won’t feel like celebrating. I’ll still be angry. Because there is a baby who got autism from the MMR in the time it took me to write this post. Probably 10 babies. I don’t math.
Two decades of parents scratching and clawing up a hill while our enemies kept stomping on our fingers. And mad props to those ones who kept at it, because I dropped out a long time ago. I rant here and there but that is all I have in me. I’m thankful for the ones with the resources to keep going. I’m thankful for the ones who are all ‘peace, love and light’ because I’m still stuck in ‘go fuck yourself’ mode. But it takes all kinds 🙂
Cheers, warriors –the first day of the rest of our lives is just around the corner. The “Before & After” point to this story. I hope.